Its late at night and this is the time where I'm bombarded with reflections. Had-to-blog.
Pretty, isn't it? Managed to catch this MBS laser showcase at Esplande few days before chinese new year while I'm out to celebrate my girlfriend's birthday. To be honest I never knew the existance of this laser showcase or whatever name its being called. It was said to last for 15mins, ain't sure if it lasted 15 mins or not cause I didn't go check the timing. I won't use breathe-taking to describe it, but i think everyone should at least see it once, afterall, its in Singapore and we're singaporeans~ Plus, its free. (C'mon, kiasus)
Anyway, so before, during and after this whole showcase thing, we sat on the steps at the river side, and doing the usual talking about secondary school life and how some people from our secondary school has become (this topic never gets old). In between some conversation I got lost and went to my own world, that's where I begin to have reflections in life and feel totally out-of-clique (in another words, volunteery out-cast). Weird much? But this always happens to me. As long as I'm hanging out with more than 1 friend at a time, this will happen to me. I will feel so un-click-able with everyone else at a moment or two. I don't know if this happens to everyone or just me. Hmm. Back to topic, like I was saying, reflection.
At that very moment a sudden thought stuck me: "This is good, very good, this is how life should be." Guess its my brain talking to my heart. Translation, this very moment that I'm living is very good. See, for as long as I can remember, I'm living for the sake of others people. Living up to the 'standards' set in this society. Take for an example, in secondary school, I was living in other's footstep in order to fit in. Doing what was expected of me, but not what I truly want to do. & when I was in a relationship, I was always doing what my other half would want me to, constantly giving in for the fear of losing him. Even when poly life begin I was constantly doing things that I didn't like. Wasting time explaining shits to people to prove that I didn't do a particular thing that people said I did, correcting myself from what people deceive as wrong to 'right'.
I didn't like any sort of that. Constantly being put down by shits or people that life throws you with. I was never born and taught how to deal with shits like this. (At this point of time I hope I'm still making sense) I only come to realisation recently that it is okay to not fit-in, it is okay to stop trying and giving in to people who doesn't make a single effort doing the same to you, it doesn't really matter if people misunderstand you and you don't have to explain to them, it is okay to do the 'wrong' things sometimes. Bottomline is, we don't always have to care how people think of you. Simply because they are not you, and everyone is different in a way or another. Sure, we do compromise to each other (otherwise there won't be friends at all) but that is if we want to. There is no NEED in doing all those stated above.
Another point for my life is good at the current moment. My status. Yes. People who truly knows me, knows that I'm a typical hopeless romantic who cannot live a day with love life. But look, I've survived coming to 4 years without it. I maybe struggling and at least I'm still breathing. Being single means more time to mingle. Although at times I may feel lonely. But the freedom of hanging out with friends as and when you like, its just too awesome.
(I'm not saying I'm perfectly fine with being single 24/7 365days a year, esp with so many friends getting attached one by one and my sis always saying that I'm #ForeverAlone. There will definitely be ups and down times that I would appreciate if I have someone to share with. Neither am I giving up on love, I still very much look forward to my next relationship.)
I look at my friends being engrossed into a certain topic, giving & planning birthday surprises, talk about life, future, love (heart-to-heart talks), doing silly things together and embarrass ourself in public. Isn't all these what teenage years should be about? Rather than dreading on a particular guy who breaks one heart or gives false messages. Teenage years are short and they fly pass so fast. I mean, look at me, I'm already kissing goodbye to my last TEEN this year. "Bestfriends are the people who may have drifted apart from time to time but never leaves." I can't just put into words how much I appreciate every single one of my bestfriends and friends for being a part in my life. They keep me going.
So my life is good now, and it should have see it this way since zillion years ago. But I'm glad I'm still young when I realised so. I don't have to care about what people thinks or say about me as long as I am happy with who I am. Single isn't that bad when you have good friends to be with and surrounded with. Maybe I should switched on panic-mode in another 5 years time if I'm still single by then (#ForeverAlone).
Like my mami always tell me, "You're still young, live in the moment! Don't worry about the future yet, things will fall into places naturally. & if it doesn't you will know what to do by then when you're older. Enjoy the remaining years of being a teenager while you still can, hang out with friends, do the things you like, for its gonna be the times you miss most once its over."
With that said, I hope this thought will stay with me for long and be my life motto I guess? Also at the same time, I hope my BFFs and friends whom I am constantly worrying about, would learn something from this reflection of mine and want to live life the similar ways. Start by appreciating yourself!
Wow. This is a long post. Shall end here then.
Xoxo ♥♥♥
P.s. Like my new changes bo?
